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summer.

change.

"Change is not merely neccesity to life - it is life."

That Alvin Toffler is a smart bloke. But.. I wish it wasn't true.

Change is a funny thing. You can't live with it, can't live without it. As soon as I begin to feel comfortable, and happy, and at peace, the cosmos just have to shake everything up.

To be able to trust someone is a big deal, especially for someone like me who finds it so hard to trust. This past year especially has been a rollercoaster. Constantly being thrown in to different situations and strange places. Having to befriend new people all the time. Learning to trust only to have them wrenched away from your grip is hard. And draining. And sad.

I'm in limbo. Auckland and its wonderful craziness is a distant memory and i'm back in the country. Hicktown. No Mans Land.

Square. Freaking. One.

Two years away from this place has certainly changed me, and for the good. But now i'm stuck. I've changed too much to really feel at home, at ease. And i've changed too much to be myself around my old friends. But I haven't changed enough to move on.

The few people who know the real me, love the real me and above all ACCEPT me for who I am are thousands of miles away, some I will see again, some I will not. And no matter how many stars I wish upon, I can't change that fact.

Change is supposed to be evidence of growth. But what if I don't want to grow? All I wanted was to stay in that little bubble of contentedness that the last two weeks of school brought me. Friends, laughter, and an understanding that it was all going to be sweet. That's what I wanted. Just for a little bit longer.

I can't wait to get back to Auckland. But I know, like everything else, it will all have changed. I keep on imagining this perfect little place and situation, but I know when I get there, everything will be different. New friends. New classes. New home. New flatmates. It will all be so very different, but so eerily familiar. I think that's the hardest thing to grasp.

You know, change may be inevitable, it may be essential to growth, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

the map

is underway. maybe i can get all states coloured by the end of next year?

the first day of the rest of my life: part deux

Four days into my new life in Auckland and I have been inundated with questions about how I’m enjoying it. So, for the moment I will endeavour to answer the most common ones.

What’s Auckland like?

It’s hilly, Queen st is seedy after 9.30pm, the wind makes it nearly impossible for me to wear skirts, the humidity makes my hair frizz and my make up run. The buses are always late and their drivers are grumpy.

On the other hand, I’ll never get bored here. The city is brimming full of bars, clubs and music to suit anyone’s tastes. From indie rock to showtunes and go-go dancers, you’ll find it in Auckland. The beaches are gorgeous and full of beautiful people and the shopping is great (Dress Mart, booyah!)

What’s it like being a student again / How’s uni life?

To be honest, I have no idea! The last few days have been such a blur. New people, new faces, new names. Moving in, unpacking, orientation, course info, getting lost, finding a job and of course lots and lots of vodka!

I’m looking forward to my course, but I’ve heard it’s extremely competitive and I know it will be initially hard. I’ve been out of school for nearly a year and a half so I’ll have to get back into the swing of things and remember where that competitive spirit lies!

Have you made any friends?

I always find making new friends difficult, I always seem very confident but I do find it hard approaching people, especially if they already have a group! But we’re all in the same position and I’ve met some really really cool people from all over the world! Though I do really look forward to getting into study and joining some groups so I can meet more like-minded people!

So, that’s my current situation in a nutshell! I’m still waiting for internet to be installed in my room so this will be the last post for a while. Once I have something interesting to write about I’ll be back (cue Terminator music). the internet arrived today, hurrah!

For now, So long, Farewell, etc etc.

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